With my normally developing daughter, I've always been able to see an image of her grown, as a fully functioning adult. I can see her establishing a relationship, employed, having a family and being happy for much of the time. It's a nice satisfying picture to have as a parent and even though you know things don't always go as you hope, there's a good chance it'll all work out well.
With my special needs child however it's different. I find it difficult to see a future image of him. Like an picture out of focus I can almost imagine it, but struggle to see anything at all.
With that lack of picture comes a feeling.....
It's hollow, that feeling and it sits in the pit of my stomach.
It's nauseating and empty all at the same time.
It's nauseating and empty all at the same time.
When my son was young I sat in the centre of that emotion. I didn't quite understand it and at the time I could only define it as depression. Every day when he went to school it all seemed to be an endless marathon of effort with no finish line, no carrot, no trophy for him or for me....no gold, no light.
There were times of fleeting flickers of hope, but they were extinguished with the next setback.
I stayed in that dark, sad place for a while. Sat in the grief and the emptiness that came with it. It was depressing, I was depressing, and while it wasn't a good place to be, it had purpose. In that grief I developed a desire to understand the reason behind the sadness.
I stayed in that dark, sad place for a while. Sat in the grief and the emptiness that came with it. It was depressing, I was depressing, and while it wasn't a good place to be, it had purpose. In that grief I developed a desire to understand the reason behind the sadness.
I began my studies in choice theory and learned about needs, wants and quality world pictures,
I began to understand the pictures for him
in my quality world
weren't being met.
With this understanding came an 'Ah Ha!' moment. An awareness that my need as a mother, was to see him successful and engaged in life, and an awareness that there was more than one way for this to happen.
I began to learn more about Autism. Went to conferences, workshops and meetings. I sought treatments that may help him, focused on the things he could do, his ability, not his disability. I researched all the successful individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder and the amazing achievements they've made.
I worked to connect with the school so we could operate as a team to better support him.
I became a consumer advocate in local mental health networks and became involved in consumer support for other caregivers.
I found and focused on the things he liked, bowling and karate.
I didn't worry about the things he didn't like, such as team sports.
All that time, what I had really been doing, was filling my quality world with pictures that satisfied my need to see him successful and happy. I had been developing an understanding of all the ways I could nurture and help him to achieve a fulfilling life.
Those pictures filled that empty pit in my stomach.
Those pictures turned on a light at the end of the tunnel.
These days when the lights starts to dim
When the emptiness creeps in I turn within
and
I shuffle through my pictures
until I find just what I need
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